A Life Changed, a Family Healing, and a Story Meant to Help Others
Allison Holker has opened up about a deeply personal and painful chapter in her life—the tragic passing of her husband, Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss. Speaking on a recent episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show, Holker shared that she believes an ayahuasca experience was a major turning point in Boss’ life, after which he was never quite the same.
“I think it was a very big turning point for him,” Holker said. “I feel like his heart was never really in the same place when he came back. He still could find joy, and he could still go day-by-day putting on his face and getting through the days, but there was something missing in his eyes.”
Boss, best known for his electrifying dance moves on So You Think You Can Dance and as a beloved Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ, died by suicide in December 2022 at the age of 40. Holker, now raising their three children alone, continues to process the emotional weight of his passing while ensuring that their children find ways to heal.
The Impact of Ayahuasca
Ayahuasca, a hallucinogenic tea with deep spiritual and medicinal roots in South American traditions, has long been used for its mind-altering properties. The Cleveland Clinic notes that its effects range from euphoria and heightened perception to anxiety, nausea, and even psychological distress. Holker suggested that her husband’s experience with the substance may have left an unhealed wound within him.
“It just kind of feels like he opened something up to himself that he never healed,” she explained. “And never fully escaped.”
Walking a Fine Line as a Mother
Holker emphasized that while she will always celebrate Boss’ life, she also has to be mindful of how she presents his passing to their children.
“I think he was a wonderful person, and I’m really sad about what he went through, but I also have to be careful because I can’t celebrate so much of his choice,” she said. “That’s a really fine line I have to walk as a mother right now because [the kids] are very hurt by their father’s decision.”
Holker shared that their children are now in therapy to help them process their loss and the emotions that come with it. “They have a lot of triggers that they have to work through,” she said. “But what I am impressed with is that they are doing the work, and they are putting in the time, and they are finding joy in life, and they are finding laughter again.”
Facing Backlash and Defending Her Story
Last month, Holker faced criticism from friends and family for sharing personal details of Boss’ death in her memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light. In response, she took to social media to clarify her intentions.
“To fans of Stephen and our family and friends, I want to be clear that my only intention in writing the book is to share my own story as well as part of my life with Stephen to help other people,” Holker wrote. “Just like you, I never really knew what happened, and even as I am trying to put the pieces together, I will never really know.”
Holker expressed that she hopes her memoir can help others recognize warning signs in loved ones and seek help before it’s too late.
“I believe that if Stephen were able to choose, he would choose to have his story told if it meant saving even one life,” she added. “Much love to all those who have supported our family these many years.”
A Message of Healing and Hope
While Holker continues to navigate her grief, she remains steadfast in her mission to honor Boss’ legacy while protecting their children’s emotional well-being. Her openness sheds light on the complex emotions surrounding loss, mental health, and the challenges of moving forward after tragedy.
For those struggling with mental health challenges, Holker’s message is clear: healing takes time, support is essential, and sharing one’s story can help others find the strength to keep going.
