The actress shares her emotional journey of healing, dealing with grief, and finding the strength to move forward after the tragic loss of her younger brother Jansen.
2023 was meant to be a bright year for actress Hayden Panettiere. After years of struggling with addiction, the Amber Alert star had found sobriety, left a tumultuous relationship behind, and was back in the spotlight with Scream 6. But just weeks before the movie’s premiere, her life was forever changed when her younger brother, Jansen, died unexpectedly of an undiagnosed heart condition at the age of 28.
In an emotional interview with PEOPLE, Panettiere, now 35, reflects on the heartbreak of losing her only sibling and how it has shaped her life ever since. “He was my only sibling, and it was my job to protect him,” she says. “When I lost him, I felt like I lost half of my soul.”
Navigating Grief and Loss
The sudden tragedy left Panettiere reeling, retreating into isolation as she tried to cope with the grief. “I didn’t want to leave the house,” she admits, noting how the public scrutiny only worsened her pain. “I had to see horrific paparazzi pictures of myself coming out of Jansen’s funeral, which happened in a very private place, and it was shocking.”
In the wake of her brother’s death, Panettiere’s body also reacted to the overwhelming stress. She experienced rapid weight gain, which further impacted her self-esteem. “I just ballooned out,” she says, describing how the trauma manifested physically, compounded by the high levels of cortisol coursing through her body. “I didn’t feel confident to put on clothes and get out of the house, but I also knew that I needed to keep moving, or I’d never stop feeling this way.”
This led her into a destructive cycle, questioning if she was “good enough” to face the world again. But Panettiere knew she had to take steps to heal, both emotionally and physically.
Finding Strength Through Fitness
Determined to break out of her rut, Panettiere found hope in the form of personal trainer Marnie Alton, whom she met through her publicist. What began as casual training sessions turned into a transformative journey, as Alton became not just a fitness guide but a source of emotional support. The two would take long walks, venting and sharing stories, which Panettiere found therapeutic.
“Marnie empowered me,” she recalls. As Panettiere worked on her physical health, she noticed her mental health improving, too. The endorphins from her workouts helped her release stress and shed the insecurities that had kept her trapped indoors. “My body started reacting, not just from the workouts,” she explains. “It allowed me to release the stress, the high expectations I’d always put on myself.”
This newfound confidence helped her overcome the agoraphobia she had struggled with, allowing her to step back into the world. “There’s nothing like looking in the mirror and feeling like you look good enough to walk out the door.”
Learning to Live with Loss
Despite her progress, Panettiere acknowledges that healing is an ongoing process. “I will always be heartbroken about it. I will never be able to get over it,” she says of her brother’s death. “No matter how many years go by, I will never get over his loss.”
However, she has gained a new perspective on life, one that focuses on letting go of the small things. “When something that massive has happened to you, you really learn to pick your fights and just not let the little things upset you,” she shares. “Once something so catastrophic happens in your life, there’s not much that can really rock you.”
Now, as Panettiere prepares for the release of her latest film Amber Alert, which hits theaters on Sept. 27, she feels more like herself each day. While the grief may never fully fade, she is grateful for the strength she’s found in the process of healing.
For Panettiere, moving forward means honoring her brother’s memory while continuing to live her life. “I will never get over it,” she says softly. But in her journey, she has discovered that, even in heartbreak, there is hope for healing.
To read more about Hayden Panettiere’s journey, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, available on stands this Friday.
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